Funny how things happen when it is most inconvenient.
I could use his perspective tonight.
Oh, the joys of deployment.
Tomorrow, off to find the Grippos.
Time to visit all the lovely people again at my favorite post office.
Showing posts with label deployment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deployment. Show all posts
01 March 2010
17 February 2010
Illegitimis non Carborundum
Well, that happened sooner than I thought it would.
In every deployment, there is a moment when something happens. Whatever it is, it makes you reach for the phone to call the person. Sometimes it is a funny thing, sometimes it is a sad thing, sometimes it is a happy thing.
Yesterday, I lost my job. "Downsized" after 5 years of loyal service. Completely blindsided.
Stunned, upset, and anxious all I wanted to do was call my best friend and talk it out.
But I couldn't do that.
I can't do that.
I'll tell him, at some point, when he is able to communicate. And when the time is right for him to hear it.
But I can't just pick up the phone and be reassured that everything will turn out ok- by the person I turn to when I need to be reassured that everything will be ok.
That's what sucks about deployment.
Yesterday I was stunned. Today I am wallowing. Tomorrow I turn on the determination and figure out my next step.
Miss ya Bestie.
In every deployment, there is a moment when something happens. Whatever it is, it makes you reach for the phone to call the person. Sometimes it is a funny thing, sometimes it is a sad thing, sometimes it is a happy thing.
Yesterday, I lost my job. "Downsized" after 5 years of loyal service. Completely blindsided.
Stunned, upset, and anxious all I wanted to do was call my best friend and talk it out.
But I couldn't do that.
I can't do that.
I'll tell him, at some point, when he is able to communicate. And when the time is right for him to hear it.
But I can't just pick up the phone and be reassured that everything will turn out ok- by the person I turn to when I need to be reassured that everything will be ok.
That's what sucks about deployment.
Yesterday I was stunned. Today I am wallowing. Tomorrow I turn on the determination and figure out my next step.
Miss ya Bestie.
14 February 2010
And so it Begins...Again
"The next 12-14 months of my life will be spent away from my wife, away from my home, and hoping each day to see the next. Someday I will look back on this year to come as a tremendous life experience, where I learned valuable lessons and came away a better man, but I am not yet to that point. Instead, I am only at the point of sorrow for the months that lie ahead, and for the woman and home I leave behind...I'm sorry I must leave, but I must do what is asked of me by my God, my Country, and my Corps..." ~Bestie, USMC
A short time ago, the day that has so hung in our collective consciousness for the past few months-D-Day-arrived.
I essentially began the process of goodbye the when he left home after his last leave. It was the last time I got to hug him, to say the important things. But now the time has come for real. He has said his goodbyes to his wife, the sea bags are packed and loaded, the final phone calls in the United States have been made.
And so it begins. Deployment. Again.
Having been through this with him once before, at least I know what to expect. I can better predict his moods, what to send in care packages, and when he will need cheering up. There is some comfort in that.
But this deployment also has it's unknowns. It is a new country. New, perhaps more volatile, situations will be faced on the ground. And this time, Bestie is plus one. Bestie-in-law wasn't around during the last trip to a foreign land. This time, I get to support the both of them the best I can.
I find that it is still scary to send your best friend to war. There is an uncertainty that is uncomfortable. There is a knowledge that it will be some time before this changes. These deployments are freaking long....
But, I also know they are doable. A weight settles in your heart that doesn't lift until that plane touches down again in the United States. Its time to get comfortable again, with the knot in the stomach, because it will be a constant companion. There will be a lot of growth and change for everyone in the next year, that is inevitable. None of us will be the same people we were before this started. But this purgatory that is a loved one at war will eventually end, no matter how we feel on the bad days.
The tough part is that we do not yet know if the bad days will outnumber the good, or how bad they will be, for us and for him. We can hope for a quiet tour, but there are no guarantees. For Marines in Afghanistan, there are very few guarantees at all.
There is something heartbreaking, about that last call from an airport in the States. There is so much more behind what is said. The call is brief. There is some small talk, some necessary details to pass on, and then all too soon, time is up. There are other people to get a hold of in the time allowed. I end with a simple, travel safe. He says he will. There are emotions hanging in the air that neither of us acknowledge...
And so it begins...again.
My cell phone is now permanently attached to my body and will be answered no matter what the time, or what strange number appears on the screen.
The yellow ribbon has gone up on my door, my parents door, my grandparents door, and even the church's door to show that our Marine is at war once again.
Grandpa prayed especially for him at church today. That he would be protected, that his anxiety, worry, and fears will be eased, that he will have peace of mind, that He will guide Bestie's hands as he does his job to the best of his ability, for the leaders that send him into battle and make the small and large decisions once he is there. It says something about the moment, that Grandpa's voiced cracked, and he emitted a rough, shaking sob, before regaining his composure and praying that Bestie will be returned home physically and mentally whole.
The is nothing to do now but support each other.
Support our Marine.
Take one day at a time.
Pray...
I posted this prayer, by a Rabbi, the last time Bestie went off to the scary places and I will do so again. It articulates what I want to say better than any other:
A Prayer for Our Soldiers
God of love, God of peace, Out of the depths of despair, we call to You. Our ears ring with the words "Do not fear." But our stomachs churn with the acid of doubt. Determined to preserve our shared world from the tyranny of terrorism, we turn to You for answers, for values, for strengths.
We stand before You with respect and concern for those who have been summoned to protect and secure our nation, our world. Give them the courage to meet the chilling stare of death...Return them safely to fulfill dreams unrealized so that they may bless Your name through the lives they live. May their efforts further the cause of peace throughout the world and bring us closer to the day when "Nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn of war anymore." Amen.
Godspeed Bestie.
You make me proud.
Travel safe. Keep your helmet on.
Love you.
Semper Fi.
~Wendy
02 February 2010
Pre-Deployment Leave
The bestie is officially on pre-deployment leave.
That kind of makes it real.
The time really is short now, before he heads to Afghanistan to do the Marine thing.
Enjoy your week Bestie.
Love ya.
31 December 2009
The Ticking Clock
Happy New Year.
I have found a corner away from the celebrating going on at my house...a quiet little place to be in the moment.
Tomorrow, I will wake up and enjoy my day off. I will enjoy my family and laugh with them. But in this moment, I am sad. I have just said goodbye to the best friend and the best friend-in- law. They are leaving early tomorrow to go back to the base across the country.
It is the last time I will see him until 2011.
It was the last time I got to see him, got to hug him, before he goes back to war. Afghan-style this time.
Since he arrived, the clock has been counting down to this moment. Never audible, but always ticking. During every board game, every video game, every movie, every laugh, every toast, every meal, during every moment- the clock was ticking.
There is never enough time to do all that you want to do, to say all the words you want to say...
It has been about 20 minutes since I said goodbye.
I have decided that it wasn't any easier this time than the last time. My heart hurts just the same. I feel a little nauseous. I feel the same pressure behind my eyes from tears that want to fall, if only I would let them. One or two may have snuck out, but I'll never admit to it if you ask. I feel apprehensive and raw. If I was willing to admit it, I'd also say I was feeling a little scared.
War ripples, like a stone dropped in a lake.
I think war has a physical weight you can actually feel if you are paying enough attention. Maybe it is the result of all the stones that gather at the bottom of the lake....
The Marines and Uncle Sam are about to borrow my best friend for a year. He is a lot of things in this world. Among them, he is a husband, a son, a brother, a daddy to a new kitty who he adores, a musician, a gamer, an Operation Iraqi Freedom veteran, a bearer of the title United States Marine.
Each of these things is important, if only a partial list.
But to me, he is the best friend in the whole world. He is the keeper of my secrets, the sharer of my history. He is the ear I borrow when I have a tale to tell. He is my partner in crime and provider of near-death experiences. He is compassionate and reliable when I need him, and also tells me the hard truths when I need to hear those. He listens without judgment. He shares my eclectic taste in music and love for Ring Pop candy. He threatens to (quite possible does) background check my dates, just to be sure. He is the person I call when I am full of excitement. He is the person I call when I am pissed off and need to vent. He is the person I rode my first rollercoaster with.
He is not expendable, nor replaceable.
If it is not too much to ask, USMC, please return him in the condition he was lent...
It would make my heart hurt a whole lot less.
I have found a corner away from the celebrating going on at my house...a quiet little place to be in the moment.
Tomorrow, I will wake up and enjoy my day off. I will enjoy my family and laugh with them. But in this moment, I am sad. I have just said goodbye to the best friend and the best friend-in- law. They are leaving early tomorrow to go back to the base across the country.
It is the last time I will see him until 2011.
It was the last time I got to see him, got to hug him, before he goes back to war. Afghan-style this time.
Since he arrived, the clock has been counting down to this moment. Never audible, but always ticking. During every board game, every video game, every movie, every laugh, every toast, every meal, during every moment- the clock was ticking.
There is never enough time to do all that you want to do, to say all the words you want to say...
It has been about 20 minutes since I said goodbye.
I have decided that it wasn't any easier this time than the last time. My heart hurts just the same. I feel a little nauseous. I feel the same pressure behind my eyes from tears that want to fall, if only I would let them. One or two may have snuck out, but I'll never admit to it if you ask. I feel apprehensive and raw. If I was willing to admit it, I'd also say I was feeling a little scared.
War ripples, like a stone dropped in a lake.
I think war has a physical weight you can actually feel if you are paying enough attention. Maybe it is the result of all the stones that gather at the bottom of the lake....
The Marines and Uncle Sam are about to borrow my best friend for a year. He is a lot of things in this world. Among them, he is a husband, a son, a brother, a daddy to a new kitty who he adores, a musician, a gamer, an Operation Iraqi Freedom veteran, a bearer of the title United States Marine.
Each of these things is important, if only a partial list.
But to me, he is the best friend in the whole world. He is the keeper of my secrets, the sharer of my history. He is the ear I borrow when I have a tale to tell. He is my partner in crime and provider of near-death experiences. He is compassionate and reliable when I need him, and also tells me the hard truths when I need to hear those. He listens without judgment. He shares my eclectic taste in music and love for Ring Pop candy. He threatens to (quite possible does) background check my dates, just to be sure. He is the person I call when I am full of excitement. He is the person I call when I am pissed off and need to vent. He is the person I rode my first rollercoaster with.
He is not expendable, nor replaceable.
If it is not too much to ask, USMC, please return him in the condition he was lent...
It would make my heart hurt a whole lot less.
01 December 2009
Holidays in Afghanistan
As the President prepares to announce his strategy in Afghanistan, and pundits on cable news argue about numbers and troop increases, it is important to remember the individuals that allow any strategy to be successful.
These individuals fighting in Afghanistan are fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, aunts and uncles, cousins, and best friends. They are American, British, Polish, Australian, and Canadian- among others. They have favorite movies and post-deployment vacation plans.
Those that will make up a troop "surge" will probably take pre-deployment leave soon. They will visit family and friends, or some exotic locale, and try to make as many memories as possible before they leave. Behind each one of those numbers on the tv screen is a person.
Many members of our military are far from home this holiday season. More soon will be. It is important that we remember them, as well as their families, who face an empty place at the table, and a picture in place of a loved one.
We must also remember the families of the fallen, whose empty seat during the holiday season is permanent.
Remember our troops. Pray for them. Give them the support they have earned.
These individuals fighting in Afghanistan are fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, aunts and uncles, cousins, and best friends. They are American, British, Polish, Australian, and Canadian- among others. They have favorite movies and post-deployment vacation plans.
Those that will make up a troop "surge" will probably take pre-deployment leave soon. They will visit family and friends, or some exotic locale, and try to make as many memories as possible before they leave. Behind each one of those numbers on the tv screen is a person.
Many members of our military are far from home this holiday season. More soon will be. It is important that we remember them, as well as their families, who face an empty place at the table, and a picture in place of a loved one.
We must also remember the families of the fallen, whose empty seat during the holiday season is permanent.
Remember our troops. Pray for them. Give them the support they have earned.
26 August 2009
Don't Panic
I had a gut check moment today.
I put on the playlist with Coldplay, The Pogues, Dropkick Murphys, and Rise Against. Believe it or not, that mix works.
As the best friend marches to the beat of the pre-deployment drums, it is easy to let that particular reality slip from mind. I think while the Marines get ready to go back to war, the people that love them do as well. Slowly, bit by bit, you build up the walls again that you will need when he is off in the scary places.
I hear lots of the bits and pieces of the deployment preparations.
I don't think I am ever prepared to hear they are updating their wills. As much at we pretend deployment is a chance at world travel, give the deployments names from bad teen movies, and make jokes about Kipling and opium, we can't get away from the truth.
Wills = possibility of death. That is what I hide from as I stare at the pictures on the bookcase. Cousins joining Cory in Marine blues. All grim, all young, all impossible to image life without. Yet all three have created their wills.
There is something about that I'm not sure I have words to describe. It's just a feeling.
But I'll be ready, I'll be strong, when the time comes to send ya off. We all will. We know how to do it by now! Some things just cause you to pause.
Love you boys. Biggest hugs.
I put on the playlist with Coldplay, The Pogues, Dropkick Murphys, and Rise Against. Believe it or not, that mix works.
As the best friend marches to the beat of the pre-deployment drums, it is easy to let that particular reality slip from mind. I think while the Marines get ready to go back to war, the people that love them do as well. Slowly, bit by bit, you build up the walls again that you will need when he is off in the scary places.
I hear lots of the bits and pieces of the deployment preparations.
I don't think I am ever prepared to hear they are updating their wills. As much at we pretend deployment is a chance at world travel, give the deployments names from bad teen movies, and make jokes about Kipling and opium, we can't get away from the truth.
Wills = possibility of death. That is what I hide from as I stare at the pictures on the bookcase. Cousins joining Cory in Marine blues. All grim, all young, all impossible to image life without. Yet all three have created their wills.
There is something about that I'm not sure I have words to describe. It's just a feeling.
But I'll be ready, I'll be strong, when the time comes to send ya off. We all will. We know how to do it by now! Some things just cause you to pause.
Love you boys. Biggest hugs.
When you got love and we got family
Keep 'em close and don't forget
To hold them right there in your heart
When you got love and family
(I'll remember you today)
Dropkick Murphys
10 August 2009
Deployment Best Wishes
A few hours ago, a classmate of mine deployed to Afghanistan with the National Guard.
Task Force Cyclone, 38th Infantry Division, will be gone for at least 9 months, but with pre and post-deployment commitments, it will probably be closer to 12.
When the Guard deploys, they take many quality members of our community with them. I really think the Guard has one of the toughest jobs of the war, stepping in and out of the role of warrior while their civilian lives continue.
We will be praying for you every day.
God Speed everyone.
*Photos belong to the US Army
09 August 2009
What If(s)...
My cousin is finishing his Basic Recruit Training at Parris Island, SC.
He is so close to earning the title of Marine. We are immensely proud of him, but with each step closer to a duty station, he also a step closer to deployment and all the mixed feelings that brings.
A few days ago, sitting around the living room with my Aunt and Uncle, cousins, and grandparents, conversation turned to Stephen. We passed around pictures from a recent family wedding, and he is not in them. There is a blank space where he should be. He is just gone to BCT, but it was jarring.
Haltingly, hesitantly, the topic turned to what Stephen will face in the next few years. It is almost certain he will go to one war or the other. Maybe even a new one altogether. Chad is in the Navy, but with Stephen, danger seems much closer.
The day was a reminder that when an individual joins the armed forces, entire families do as well. All across the country, pictures are being taken at family reunions and dinners and birthday parties that a man or woman in uniform won't be in. When those pictures are printed and reflected in, lurking in the background is the present makeup could become permanent.
I wrote this based on something my uncle said.
What If:
What if tomorrow, on the TV news,
two Marines are reported killed-
blown up or shot in your province.
What if the dark government sedan
pulls into your dad's drive
with the regrets of a greatful nation.
What if you return, as promised,
but in a flag covered shipping container
instead of the red truck.
What if the rifles volley
and the bagpipes play 'Amazing Grace'
while the trumpet announces God is nigh.
What if your plans are disrupted,
put on hold by a broken mind or body.
What if, What if, What if.
He is so close to earning the title of Marine. We are immensely proud of him, but with each step closer to a duty station, he also a step closer to deployment and all the mixed feelings that brings.
A few days ago, sitting around the living room with my Aunt and Uncle, cousins, and grandparents, conversation turned to Stephen. We passed around pictures from a recent family wedding, and he is not in them. There is a blank space where he should be. He is just gone to BCT, but it was jarring.
Haltingly, hesitantly, the topic turned to what Stephen will face in the next few years. It is almost certain he will go to one war or the other. Maybe even a new one altogether. Chad is in the Navy, but with Stephen, danger seems much closer.
The day was a reminder that when an individual joins the armed forces, entire families do as well. All across the country, pictures are being taken at family reunions and dinners and birthday parties that a man or woman in uniform won't be in. When those pictures are printed and reflected in, lurking in the background is the present makeup could become permanent.
I wrote this based on something my uncle said.
What If:
What if tomorrow, on the TV news,
two Marines are reported killed-
blown up or shot in your province.
What if the dark government sedan
pulls into your dad's drive
with the regrets of a greatful nation.
What if you return, as promised,
but in a flag covered shipping container
instead of the red truck.
What if the rifles volley
and the bagpipes play 'Amazing Grace'
while the trumpet announces God is nigh.
What if your plans are disrupted,
put on hold by a broken mind or body.
What if, What if, What if.
19 June 2009
Truth, Lessons, and Deployment
"Men who for truth and honor's sake
Stand fast and suffer long.
Brave men who work while others sleep,
Who dare while others fly...
They build a nation's pillars deep
And lift them to the sky." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
I am a big believer in family. I believe that sometimes you must supplement the family you are born into with a family you create for yourself.
Official notification has come. It is only a matter of time now. My best friend, my brother, is headed back to the battlefield. Deployment: Part 2 is inevitable.
With this notification comes a slew of emotions that come in stages. Relief- because it was going to happen eventually and now at least there is a time frame. Anxiety- because here we go again. Resignation- because it is going to happen, there is no denying that. Acceptance- it is happening. Fear- What if... Preparation- take each moment, each memory, and guard it jealously.
Deployment orders call for a moment of reflection.
I have volunteered in various capacities with military support organizations since the start of operations in Iraq. I have met incredible people. I have seen my best friends off to war. Some have not come home. I would not change any of it. One does not become closely associated with the military without learning a few things.
One of those things is the value of friendship. In the military family, things are compressed. Time, experience is compressed. Sending a loved one off to war is a daunting task. You must say the things you've been meaning to. You are made to see the value in each day, each moment, each hour, even each minute. Life, Death, Mortality-- the range of human emotion is there in the last seconds of a phone call from Germany, when the next communication will be from the Middle East. When the anxiety finally eases, when the plane touches down after 8 months or 12 months, these are not things you forget. Each moment after a safe deployment is a blessing. Each casual conversation. Each movie watched in silence.
As we start this new journey, remember I am proud of you, I am behind you, I value our friendship. You are family and I love you for it.
We are not afforded the luxury of taking things for granted.
The unknown is in the what ifs, and the sentences left unfinished after every reassurance. Before deployment....each moment really must be made to count.
Stand fast and suffer long.
Brave men who work while others sleep,
Who dare while others fly...
They build a nation's pillars deep
And lift them to the sky." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
I am a big believer in family. I believe that sometimes you must supplement the family you are born into with a family you create for yourself.
Official notification has come. It is only a matter of time now. My best friend, my brother, is headed back to the battlefield. Deployment: Part 2 is inevitable.
With this notification comes a slew of emotions that come in stages. Relief- because it was going to happen eventually and now at least there is a time frame. Anxiety- because here we go again. Resignation- because it is going to happen, there is no denying that. Acceptance- it is happening. Fear- What if... Preparation- take each moment, each memory, and guard it jealously.
Deployment orders call for a moment of reflection.
I have volunteered in various capacities with military support organizations since the start of operations in Iraq. I have met incredible people. I have seen my best friends off to war. Some have not come home. I would not change any of it. One does not become closely associated with the military without learning a few things.
One of those things is the value of friendship. In the military family, things are compressed. Time, experience is compressed. Sending a loved one off to war is a daunting task. You must say the things you've been meaning to. You are made to see the value in each day, each moment, each hour, even each minute. Life, Death, Mortality-- the range of human emotion is there in the last seconds of a phone call from Germany, when the next communication will be from the Middle East. When the anxiety finally eases, when the plane touches down after 8 months or 12 months, these are not things you forget. Each moment after a safe deployment is a blessing. Each casual conversation. Each movie watched in silence.
As we start this new journey, remember I am proud of you, I am behind you, I value our friendship. You are family and I love you for it.
We are not afforded the luxury of taking things for granted.
The unknown is in the what ifs, and the sentences left unfinished after every reassurance. Before deployment....each moment really must be made to count.
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