08 October 2010
Continuing and Beginning Again
Bestie is back is the sand.
The weight that I felt lift when he called and said he was out of the country and on his way home for leave has settled again on my shoulders. I am sad that he is back there, away from his wife and all of us who love him. I am already miss not being able to pick up the phone and harass him with the the trivial details of my day.
War is freaking painful.
I spend a lot of time trying not to think about the possibilities and the emotions. I want to ignore risk, fear, and the ache that settles somewhere in my heart. The one that will persist until he leaves Afghan airspace for good and touches down on US soil.
At the same time, it is easier this time than other times. Maybe I have toughened up. Maybe it is just a internal protection mechanism that makes me think that. Maybe it is because I know he has more support this time around and that makes a substantial difference.
What I do know is that even if it is easier, it still hurts.
The lump in my throat as I told him to "travel safe" as he prepared to reenter bad guy land was the size of a softball.
That hasn't changed.
He is my best friend. My brother. I love him and want him to be safe. To be happy. To not carry the weight that I hear in his voice.
We are halfway done.
So much time has passed.
Yet so much remains before this one comes to a close.
Miss you brother bear.